When you care
3 months ago I embarked in one of the most important journeys of my life: parenthood. My first son was born and with him came many changes. I count my blessings for having an incredible wife, a good job and a supportive employer to take on this new chapter.
I started showing a bigger appreciation for parents and caregivers a few years ago. A lot of my friends started having children and sharing the stories of unconditional love together with some of the pitfalls of caregiving. The challenges that stuck with me the most were the ones that had to do with balancing professional and personal life. Inspired by those stories and with the desire to learn and better support one of my direct reports who was a mother, I started the Parents Employee Resource Group chapter (ERG) in EMEA at Uber. I wanted to make our workplace practices better in a hyper growth environment with high stakes and demands for all employees. I got involved in organizing several bring your kids to work days and kid friendly holiday parties in our Amsterdam office. I learned, and shared the reality of parenthood with all employees through internal communications. I built a community of parents and allies across the region that could act as a support network. As an ERG Lead, I applied my project management skills and gained exposure to Leadership and DEI strategy in a different way.
My wife and I relocated to the Bay Area a couple of years ago and our families and support system stayed back in the old continent. If anything, over time, our jobs have become more demanding. A baby to care for brings a new set of complexities to our day to day life. The pandemic has added some more. We don’t have grandparents, family and a much more limited set of friends to come and support us and have been extra careful outsourcing some of the household activities and meeting new people. The pandemic has also brought really good things to this experience. Working remotely has allowed me to live the pregnancy of my wife and the first few months of my child from much closer. I have gained a renewed appreciation for the strength and power that women demonstrate during pregnancy, labor and birth. And now that I’m back at work, I can see and care for my son and enjoy time with him in between meetings.
Find here some of my personal learnings thus far:
Self care over everything else. Remember the simple plane instruction of putting your mask first before helping others? It works in any setting. I make time for a workout, reading and being out no matter how busy the days get. Let’s dedicate time to become the best version of ourselves. When we do, we also be that version for others.
Empathize especially when we don’t understand. My son can’t talk just yet so it’s a bit of a puzzle to figure out what is happening. The more I spend time with him the more I get his cues. There’s always an element of guessing and trying. As adults, it’s still sometimes hard to explain with words what’s going on with us and how to make it better. Maybe we don’t have the trust required with the other person. Maybe we don’t fully understand it ourselves. If you are on the receiving end of distress: be patient and lead with empathy
A sincere big smile can make our day. After a sleepless night, that's the boost of energy to keep me going. Smile for others, they might have a bad day and happiness is contagious
Success is a personal choice in our lives. We dictate what success looks like and what factors are at play. Right now, making time for my son has been added as a factor and gained in weight and importance. Be comfortable adding factors to what is it important for you and changing the weight of them
Adapt to the circumstances. When our circumstances change, it’s easy to feel like we are losing control. What used to work is not any longer. We can take an active role to address and change our reality to feel better and get back on track. I love reading and don’t have my hands as readily available as before so I’m listening to audiobooks for now.
To all fathers out there, have a great day full of joy today. Let’s talk about our day to day experiences and normalize our situation at work. Sharing the wisdom we are accumulating through this wonderful experience with others is a generous act.
To any leader, executive, investor and shareholder in any organization: you can truly build an inclusive company as a competitive advantage making your environment more appealing to caregivers. In a very tight labor market, many capable people will return to the workforce or choose your organization simply for that reason.
Happy Father’s Day!